I feel, but I don’t know what I feel.

I embarked on a journey that took me away from my beloved land of Brazil and brought me to the embrace of the United States. Stepping onto this new land, the differences struck me like a symphony of senses. The architectural landscape underwent a metamorphosis—concrete houses with imposing gates transformed into welcoming wooden structures that seemed to invite passersby to stop and chat. The atmosphere shifted from the warm, consistent climate I had always known, with its gentle hints of chill, to a realm of well-defined seasons, where the cold in the air seemed to penetrate to the bone.

The language, once as familiar as my heartbeat, now felt foreign on my lips. Conversations flowed around me, forming a musical cadence that I struggled to fully comprehend. Even the aroma of the streets had transformed; the scent of freshly ripened fruits was replaced by the earthy fragrance of pine trees and the rustling of leaves falling to the ground during autumn’s enchanting dance.

With these sensory changes, a multitude of emotions sprouted within me, creating a tapestry of experiences that was as complex as it was captivating. I found myself wrestling with the unknown, but amid the uncertainties, one thing was certain: I felt.

In the days leading up to my departure, when sharing my plans to leave my homeland, I was met with a mix of reactions. "How do you feel?" people would ask, and I wrestled with the question, unsure of how to articulate the kaleidoscope of emotions stirring within me. There was, undoubtedly, excitement, but also an underlying apprehension that I couldn’t fully put into words.

At the airport, surrounded by my tearful family, I felt the weight of my decision profoundly. The hugs we exchanged were not just physical; they carried the power of connection and the longing for familiarity. As I walked away from them, I allowed the tears to flow, the emptiness in my stomach now echoing the void I felt at that moment. I was leaving behind not just a place, but a piece of my heart.

Yet, amid the challenges and contrasts, I learned that it is in the unknown that we discover our true selves. The journey was a cacophony of emotions, at times overwhelming, but always authentic. I found that embracing the unknown means embracing the complexities of our own emotions, allowing ourselves to feel deeply, even when the sensations are difficult to define.

This path illuminated the truth that self-awareness is a journey without a definitive end. It is about embracing the fluidity of our emotions and experiences, finding strength in moments of vulnerability, and recognizing that amid the differences between two lands, there is a common thread that binds us all: the power to feel and the resilience it brings.

Samara Volodin Muniz