Embracing Our Contradictions

Another day emerges and with it, memories that touch us. A college friend started following me on Instagram, and I thought: "What if he looks deeply and realizes that maybe I'm not as competent as I seem?" The curious thing is that I consider myself an excellent professional, so why this question?

My mind dances back and forth, like a synchronized and disharmonious flight. I only make sense to myself. I always observed my classmates so eloquent and dedicated in the classroom. However, in the internships, I shone. A knowledge that I didn't even know I had emerged, and my interventions were spontaneous, but surgical. Who would have imagined that I had this cunning side? And yet, a feeling persists that all of this is nothing more than an illusion.

Volunteering became my path during my studies, a challenge in many possible directions. Internships with drug users and victims of sexual violence, while I dedicated myself to several courses in the area. These experiences built the foundation of my career. I grew professionally little by little, and today I consider myself to be in a comfortable position. But why does this feeling of falseness persist?

Some call it “impostor syndrome,” but the issue runs deeper. My Instagram sends messages, but it doesn’t reveal who I am in practice. Insecurities from the past have resurfaced, the girl from public school at a private university where many attend prestigious schools. I’ve grown, I’ve trained, I know my potential, but the feeling of being disadvantaged persists, as if nothing is enough to get me there.

This reflects the journey of many, alternating between being galactic kings and artists of illusion. After all, it is an intrinsic part of our humanity. Who said confidence is unshakable? Who deluded us into thinking we have to have opinions about everything all the time? Who told us we must be an oasis of non-stop empowerment?

Accepting our insecurities is also accepting our own essence. And, paradoxically, this acceptance transforms us. Accepting is also allowing ourselves to question, to sit with difficult feelings. Today it may be a challenge, but tomorrow, we can once again reign supreme in our galaxy. Sitting with feelings is a learning process, an intentional journey. Whether it is questioning or introspective silence, allow yourself to know and accept. It is a challenging journey, but it is also certainly invigorating.